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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559524">A Prison Of A Past Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyEnglishRose/pseuds/MyEnglishRose'>MyEnglishRose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Escapism [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangles, M/M, OR IS IT, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Unrequited Love, and feelings, but I didn't tag it since it isn't explicitly written, kiiiiind of, so uh the ships are starting to get complicated, there's a mention of potential moceit too!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:00:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyEnglishRose/pseuds/MyEnglishRose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>While trying to understand why Logan and Roman have been escaping to the imagination more often than not lately, Patton learns some things about the imagination and Roman’s connexion to it he would have rather not known, maybe, all the while having to come to terms with his own complicated feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Escapism [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Prison Of A Past Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>When I first joined the fandom, Royality was my favourite ship (more on the platonic side for a while then i started enjoying more romantic content). Well, it still is, in a sense, but now I like Logince way more, but I knew I was like drawn to royality because it was just fluff on fluff, pure wholesome content. And then the angst got to them lol so this fic is long overdue. It’s mostly bittersweet, to go with my current mood, honestly.<br/>So, um, enjoy?</p><p>Title from Kill My Mind by Louis Tomlinson which, now that I think about it, sums up pretty well most of what I’ve written so far for this fandom</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton starts getting suspicious only the third time both Roman and Logan miss dinner in the same week. He asks the others about it, and while Virgil dismisses it absentmindedly, Janus and Remus are the ones who hit him with an obvious possibility.</p><p>“Well, they’re probably—”</p><p>“Fucking!” Remus interrupts the half-snake side.</p><p>“Pretty sure you’re the only one interested in that and the rest of us are not,” Janus counters, pushing Remus’ face away as the creative one is currently draped all over him and was, minutes prior, licking his scales for ‘research purposes’. If he had a tail, it would be happily wagging.</p><p>“Guys, seriously,” Patton snaps his fingers, bringing them back to his initial inquiry about Logan’s and Roman’s whereabouts.</p><p>“The fucking aside,” Janus coughs loudly when Remus makes an offended noise with the back of his throat, “they’ve grown close in the past year or so. They’ve been spending a lot of time in the imagination, which is rather… peculiar coming from Logan. I saw them kissing the other day.”</p><p>Remus gasps. “And you didn’t film it?!”</p><p>“We’re talking about your brother what the fuck Rem.”</p><p>“We’ve all got kind of the same face it’s already weird enough,” Remus argues.</p><p>Patton tunes them out after that, slowly backing away as the two dark sides start to bicker as usual. He sighs as he heads towards the kitchen, feeling all the energy leaving his body at the sheer mess presented in front of him after last night’s chaotic attempt at cooking with Janus and Remus. Roman usually cooks, and then Patton would help with the dishes — sometimes Logan joined as well to bring more healthy menus to the table while Virgil just vaguely cheered in the background, headphones on. Then he grimaces, as he realises how he is reminiscing and smiling at a time when Janus and Remus didn’t hang out with them as much as they do now.</p><p>It does feel a bit like the two swapped places with Roman and Logan instead of just becoming a natural addition to their dynamic and Patton… Patton doesn’t like that.</p><p>Well, he’s never liked changes and the loss of familiarity, but it also doesn’t mean he wants to go back to the time they pushed the deceitful and demented sides to… well, the side. But he wants Roman and Logan back, he wants to feel the complicity he used to have with them again, or well, at least with Roman. With Roman it was easy to feel loved and to love, Logan was a little more of a challenge to get through, not that Patton doesn’t like a challenge every once in a while, but he knew one wrong step could lead to the whole relationship crumbling down.</p><p>And he feels like he’s already made that wrong step without even knowing.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s an issue,” Virgil tells him when he goes to ask him about the other two again later that afternoon.</p><p>“But they’re distancing themselves?”</p><p>“Well, they seem happier doing so.” The anxious side shrugs. “I’m sure they will come back and hang out with us again when they feel like they’re ready to. Don’t rush them, pops.”</p><p>Patton stays silent for a few moments, the sound of Virgil’s game on the television somehow calming him even though the character in-game seems to be killing mushroom-like monsters over and over again while dying himself.</p><p>“Don’t you miss them though?” Patton asks eventually.</p><p>“You talk as if they were dead.”</p><p>“Answer the question, please,” the moral side insists.</p><p>A silence.</p><p>“I do,” Virgil admits with a sigh, looking small. “But I’m also biased, I still don’t like the snake and the octopus over there. Ro and Lo have been escaping to the imagination for a while now, I’m surprised you haven’t noticed before.”</p><p><em>Well yeah, me too, actually</em>, Patton wants to say but keeps it in, surprised at his bitter automatic response. He guesses Janus has been rubbing off of him now.</p><p>“Don’t feel bad, you’ve had a lot on your plate as well, trying to make the other two feel welcome, can’t say I, or Logan and Roman, have made that any easier,” Virgil continues, putting down his controller and, truth be told, Virgil is the last side Patton expected to hear these words from. They are not as close as they used to be yet, but at least the anxious side hasn’t resorted to avoiding him in a world that does not exist.</p><p>“Thank you, Virgil.” He smiles at him and is pleased to see a similar smile grace the other side’s lips.</p><p>“Anytime.” A pause. “Now no offence but you’re standing in the way of the TV and I’m getting just slightly tired of dying?”</p><p>“Oh my bad!”</p><p>-: ✧ :-</p><p>To Patton’s surprise, Roman invites him to the imagination a week or so later and the moral side had trouble containing his sheer joy and excitement, bouncing on his feet whenever the prince was not looking and was leading him somewhere. He knows he is probably doing a really bad job, but Roman doesn’t call him out on it.</p><p>It then feels all too unfamiliar when the creative side suddenly takes one of his hands in his and Patton’s heart feels like it is going to explode because, wow, okay, he <em>really</em> missed that proximity.</p><p>“I built something the other day,” Roman starts to say as they run through the magical forest and Patton gets distracted for a split second by a unicorn in the distance. “And I would love your thoughts on it.”</p><p>Patton perks up at that, but then can’t help but voice a nagging thought, “Why not Logan?”</p><p>“He’s a busy little bee today, and I think this will be more up your alley anyway.”</p><p>“Alright.” The big smile on Patton’s face almost hurts.</p><p>That is how he finds himself in the middle of a forest made of candy and Roman has to physically restrain him so he doesn’t go trying to taste everything lying before his eyes.</p><p>Or maybe Patton is doing it on purpose just to have a reason to have Roman’s arms holding him close. Janus might have given him some pieces of advice along with those words.</p><p>“Roman!” Patton exclaims. “This is paradise!”</p><p>Behind him, Roman chuckles, the sound bringing butterflies in Patton’s stomach.</p><p>“I knew you’d love it. Guess Thomas has really been craving sweets lately, I couldn’t do anything without finishing this, Logan was quite upset about it.”</p><p>“Well, he was the one who convinced Thomas to finally work out and eat more healthily, without consulting me, might I say,” Patton ends his comment with a small pout.</p><p>“He’s been taking a lot more initiative lately,” Roman says. “I’m proud of him.”</p><p>“You’ve got something to do with it, haven’t you? Give yourself some credits too.”</p><p>“Mm,” Roman hums, doubtful. His arms remain steady and strong around Patton’s waist as he looks around the sugary paradise surrounding them. Patton isn’t about to protest, he has missed the warmth. Roman’s hugs have always been his favourites. “There’s something else.”</p><p>The atmosphere changes almost immediately as Patton picks up on the sudden shift in Roman’s voice. The moral side tries to twist around in order to get a good look at Roman’s face in order to understand what he should be preparing for but Roman prevents him from doing so by tightening his embrace and hiding his face against his shoulder.</p><p>Confusion takes over Patton, though he stands still as he waits for the prince to explain.</p><p>Which he does, eventually, “Something resurfaced while Logan and I were… doing our things. It’s… something I refuse to show Logan.” Roman sighs.</p><p>“Well… what is it?” Patton asks, the feeling of being needed warming his heart despite the creative side’s gloomy tone.</p><p>“Come on.”</p><p>And just like that, they leave the candy forest without having properly explored it.</p><p>-: ✧ :-</p><p>The imagination seems to go on forever to Patton, as he is not so used to coming there anymore. It does fit the idea that one’s imagination is limitless as your mind forever creates wanders, he concedes. And yet they soon come up to a sort of wall made of pastel rainbow lights transcending both the ground they are walking on and the sky above their heads. And on the other side of this wall, the world looks a bit darker. Curiosity overtakes Patton as he reaches a hand forward to touch the wall and see if he could just— go through it, but to his surprise, a solid, cold, material meets his palm.</p><p>“The subconscious,” Roman informs while he sits down in front of it abruptly as if the mere sight of it weakens his legs.</p><p>“Hasn’t it always been there?” Patton asks.</p><p>“Yeah. Sometimes the wall moves, though,” Roman replies, lifting a hand. He makes some sort of hand gesture, and the wall suddenly starts to glitch, startling Patton who jumps back promptly, before staying put. “Remus has more control over it though. He can go in between the imagination and there at will, I can’t.”</p><p>“That would make sense.”</p><p>Roman nods then pats the grass next to him, so Patton follows but stays on his feet as he stares forward into the darkness.</p><p>“The thing that worries me is something that appeared on the other side of the wall,” the prince explains, head looking down on his laps.</p><p>At that, Patton frowns and squints his eyes to try to decipher something besides the rainbow wall. He cannot see much, apart from a few rocks and tall grass.</p><p>“There was a time Thomas… thought he needed to grow up and leave all of this behind, once, I’m sure you remember even though we’d all rather forget,” Roman says softly, picking at the grass without looking up. “The destroyed wall over there— t’was a prison.”</p><p>“What?!” Patton exclaims. “For Remus?”</p><p>Roman lets out a humourless laugh. “You can’t contain Remus. Repressing him only makes him stronger. <em>Me</em>, however? The more you push me down, the weaker I am. I can pretend I’m strong but I rely too much on Thomas’ willingness to be creative and you all’s approval. That time when Thomas was struggling between college and theatre and still repressing his sexuality, remember?”</p><p>“Yeah… that got pretty dark.” Quite literally. Patton remembers Virgil, Remus and Janus having a bigger influence in the mindscape at the time, what with Thomas worrying intensely about his future, dark thoughts plaguing his mind and not so little white lies he repeated to himself to pretend everything is okay. Logan on his part was also panicking, as he was the one who suggested Thomas focused on his studies yet everything was falling apart.</p><p>Roman, however, was nowhere to be found during this episode. Patton just assumed he retreated to his room to rest— but now he fears he is about to learn something worse.</p><p>“I guess he wanted to get rid of me so bad that somehow I was dragged from my room and ended up in a cobbled prison in the subconscious and none of my powers worked,” Roman tells the memory like some miscellaneous news item. “Stayed there for a week or so? I slept most of the time, it was draining my energy anyway. Then one day, the walls came down and Logan was there and he was <em>crying</em>.” Another humourless laugh which scares Patton by its emptiness. “It was weird, I couldn’t feel anything, I was so numb after being in there for so long. Felt like I was disappearing and then mister ‘I don’t have feelings’ was crying into my shoulders and apologising.”</p><p>“So…” Patton awkwardly starts, shifting on his feet but refusing to sit down next to the prince. He didn’t feel like he deserved it. “Was that when you both… started… dating, or something?”</p><p>The prince hums with a subtle shrug. A confirmation or a dismissal, Patton is not sure, but what he is certain of is the pang of jealousy suddenly attacking his heart.</p><p>“Do you two… just imagine running away a lot?”</p><p>“An alarming amount of times,” Roman confirms, punctuated with a snort. “Don’t worry, we can’t do that for real anyway!”</p><p>“That doesn’t make it better, how am I supposed to not worry?” Patton argues.</p><p>“Dunno, you’ve done a great job of doing that for a while.”</p><p>A beat of silence passes as Patton stares at Roman’s side while dropping down on the ground, hurt written all over his face and feeling quite defeated.</p><p>“That’s low…” he complains quietly, looking down on his laps.</p><p>“I know, I wanted that one to hurt,” the prince admits. “Sorry,” he apologises immediately. “We’ve all got shit to figure out, and it just so happened Logan and I just… found solace in each other when it felt like everyone else was too busy.” </p><p>It wasn’t meant as a dig, Patton knows it wasn’t, but it still hurts to learn he wasn’t as good at his job as he thought he was.</p><p>“You can’t care for all of us at the same time, it’s just not something we can ask of you,” Roman continues, unknowingly soothing Patton’s worries.</p><p>“I still failed you and Logan, haven’t I.”</p><p>“Have you?”</p><p>“Feels like it.”</p><p>There is a bit of silence and Patton closes his eyes, trying to calm his beating heart by listening to the sound of nature around them but then gets startled when a sudden weight suddenly drops on his laps. He yelps, looking down and being face to face with a grinning Roman and for a split second, Patton is starstruck.</p><p>Roman’s genuine smile has always been one of the brightest things to ever exist on this plane of existence and Patton hasn’t seen it in so long, he is afraid the imagination is messing with him and catering to his inner desires at the moment. But the warmth coming from the prince’s presence cannot be made up.</p><p>“Then it’s never too late to make up for it and I am here, I love you too much anyway,” Roman states.</p><p>And Patton wants to cry at the pure love and sincerity pouring from the prince, and maybe he does shed a tear or two since he soon feels Roman’s hands cradling his face and wiping those insignificant tears away.</p><p>“Not sure I deserve it,” Patton laughs weakly.</p><p>“Not sure either,” Roman admits and Patton is honestly too happy to be offended. “I’m still a bit— hurt, but everything and nothing can ever be like it used to but… I love Logan, I love our adventures here in the imagination, I was the one who suggested we escaped here but I do miss you. And the others. Not my brother though he’s a pain.” A small pause. “Logan will take a bit more time realising he misses you all too.”</p><p>“Please come back at least for lunch and dinner so Janus and Remus don’t try to blow the kitchen up every day.”</p><p>That gets a chuckle out of Roman. Patton wants to kiss him.</p><p>The thought makes him freeze and then frown in confusion but also slightly blush <em>because what the hell</em>. If Roman notices, he doesn’t comment on it and starts humming some tune, closing his eyes and effectively claiming Patton’s laps as his pillow.</p><p>He doesn’t want to think about it now so he closes his eyes too and enjoys Roman’s singing. That too, he missed dearly.</p><p>They do not notice the wall retreating and the destroyed prison disappear as well.</p><p>-: ✧ :-</p><p>As promised, Roman is there to cook dinner that evening and even Virgil doesn’t hide his relief knowing he won’t have to be careful while taking a bite as no poison will be sprinkled in there, courtesy of Remus — or Janus, even if the latter insists he would <em>never</em> do such thing.</p><p>Which was enough to tell everyone he totally would.</p><p>Roman seems content as well, appreciating the compliments from everyone though he still mostly avoids Janus which worries Patton a bit, wondering if he doesn’t deserve the same type of treatment from the prince instead of being semi-forgiven.</p><p>The only person who seems disgruntled is Logan — which isn’t surprising in itself, Patton figures, as he kind of stole his private moment with Roman away by convincing the latter to come back eat with them again. Patton doesn’t want to focus on the slight satisfaction that provides him because, shoot, that’s <em>bad</em>. Really bad. Even objectively.</p><p>Jealousy is just. Ugly. And he doesn’t like it, but he cannot deny anymore the bitter feeling plaguing his entire being whenever he catches a glimpse of Roman and Logan tenderly touch.</p><p>Janus seems to catch on though, and Patton feels then even worse because he knows they had something going on lately, even if they haven’t addressed it properly or made anything official unlike the other pair but it was <em>something</em>. And now Patton is just confused all over again.</p><p>“Can we talk?” Logan asks him after dinner as he got up to go help with the dishes. The logical side’s tone is firm, clearly indicating he is not actually asking a question but rather demanding Patton’s presence.</p><p>For some reason Patton gulps under the intense gaze and risks a glance towards the others. Remus promptly leaves the room, dragging a cursing Virgil with him. Janus sends him a sympathetic smile before slowly making his way out as well. Roman on his part isn’t looking in their direction and sighs as he grabs everyone’s empty plates — or well, makes the plates just fly to the sink with a swift motion of his arms. The prince still gives him a small pat on the shoulder before going to Logan’s side and whisper something to him before kissing his temple.</p><p>Logan doesn’t budge and keeps glaring, however, though a deep blush appears on his cheeks anyway. It’s cute, Patton thinks, and then he remembers he still needs to reply. So he nods and follows Logan when the latter makes his way upstairs, aware that everyone else is hanging out in the living room.</p><p>“What are you playing at?” Logan finally asks once they’re alone and Patton blinks.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I thought— don’t you have Janus?”</p><p>Patton frowns. “I do— kind of. That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you and Roman!”</p><p>“Well, we had our own thing.”</p><p>“And you can still have it but it doesn’t mean you need to completely separate yourselves from m— us!”</p><p>“Why is it so hard for you to understand I needed to be away for a while!” Logan argues back. He groans, pinching his nose.</p><p>“Why are you even getting mad, Roman was the one who invited me today, I was waiting for one of you to come to me.”</p><p>“Precisely!”</p><p>Patton takes a step back, confusion taking over him all over again as Logan takes deep breaths to try to calm himself.</p><p>“For once, I have someone’s undivided attention and love on me,” the logical side finally confesses. “And… I want to be selfish too, just for this time.”</p><p>Logan sighs as he takes a step forward, hands immediately poised on Patton’s shoulders as he looks at him directly, a hint of pity suddenly gleaming in his eyes.</p><p>“I know you love him,” Logan states so simply and yet it feels like a real punch to Patton’s heart because he hasn’t even admitted this to himself.</p><p>“Well, I can’t exactly <em>help it,</em>” Patton retorts.</p><p>“Except I’m here. His boyfriend? Partner? Whatever you want to call it while you were out there being best buddies with the very people who hurt him?”</p><p>“We all apologised to each other!”</p><p>“Doesn’t mean those apologies are accepted. Granted, Roman is less bitter and resentful than me, I guess, I admit I never expected that but he’s always had a soft spot for you so maybe I should have.” Logan huffs. “Why does the heart have to be so complicated?” he complains next, clearly referring to Patton himself rather than a metaphorical heart.</p><p>“I won’t do anything, you know that right, you trust me?”</p><p>And it hurts Patton more than he cares to admit when the only response he gets is a dismissive “I guess” at first.</p><p>Logan takes a few steps back, letting go of him as another long, tired sigh comes out of his mouth. “I’m just… kind of done, always being considered second after you. Whether with Thomas… or the other. Excuse me if I don’t want Roman to slip away from me as well.”</p><p>“I… I get it,” Patton assures. He gets a half-smile in response, a quite sad one, really.</p><p>As he watches Logan walk away to his own room, Patton sighs, letting his guard down again as he feels his heart pounding and his hands clutching on the cat hoodie wrapped around his shoulders.</p><p>“He really does act as if we’ve never been friends before now, huh,” he mutters to himself.</p><p>He turns away to go back down into the living room and manages to spot the end of a black cloak go into Roman’s room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The way I ended this on a sort of cliffhanger but I don’t even know if I’ll continue this “universe” cuz of course I had to make it even more complicated with the ships, please just pretend they all end up together while Remus and Virgil watch the shit show happen or join idk &lt;3 I also finished writing this at like, 1AM here so please excuse the lazy ending and the many mistakes I will probably go through only when I wake up haha<br/>I’ve been working on a Roceit AU for so long too I don’t even know if she’s gonna see the light of day now. Follow me on <a href="http://loveliestroman.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> (loveliestroman) even if I'm not really active a lot but don't hesitate to send in prompts, I love writing small drabbles from time to time even if i never publish them ~<br/>Anyway, thanks for reading, dear, may our paths meet again x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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